Mom Wars

Any woman who becomes a mom immediately begins to make parenting decisions. Breast milk or formula? Crib or co-sleep? Should I get a baby carrier, a stroller, both? What kind of diapers should we use? Am I a bad mother if I leave my newborn in front of the TV while I go pee? Or am I a worse mother if I take baby with, then touch him with pee hands?

I would say something soothing, like whatever choice you make is best for you. But let's be honest. You'd better think carefully, because every step you take will be judged by the Supreme Court of Motherhood, run by an all-knowing council: other moms. After joining an online group of other moms expecting in June of '09 - because I was the first of my friends to be a pregnant lady and pregnant ladies like to talk to other pregnant ladies - I started noticing this.

It began with the question how are you going to give birth? Some women knew right away they'd be going the epidural route in a hospital, comfortably numbed from the waist down and monitored by professionals. Others knew right away they wanted to pop out their babies in their own homes, where they could labor unprodded and in peace, and let their bodies do the work. Others wanted to go natural in the hospital, hoping for the best of both worlds. Some weren't sure.

Opinions were formed, expressed. Here is an example exchange in the spirit of how one topic went down on my birth board.


I don't understand homebirths, what if something went wrong? 

Something's more likely to go wrong in the hospital. Interventions create a domino effect. Here, read this link.

I'd rather trust my doctor, thank you. That's why he went to med school.

Doctors can be wrong, and have agendas, you know. 

I don't need your opinion shoved down my throat.

Enjoy your c-section.


From there, in general the board seemed to divide into two camps: natural-birthing, non-vaccinating, breastfeeding, babywearing, cloth diapering, anti-Western-medicine, Dr. Sears worshiping pretentious hippies; and epidural-loving, doctor-happy, disposable diapering, selfish and uneducated idiots who planned to feed their babies demon juice (formula).

Mom polarization happens in real life too. I am a member of several moms groups, and not a week after joining the first one there was an argument within the group that resulted in several women marching off and forming their own group.

The funny part is, based on silent observation, most women (such as myself) fall somewhere in the middle. But that's not nearly as exciting.